Seeing the light through the darkness
I received a tremendous amount of support, kind words, outreach and prayers yesterday. It seems that in times of darkness, you really find out who cares about you. I received messages & texts all...
View ArticleOn the second stage of grief: Anger
Anger. Holy hell was I angry today. I knew today was going to be bad. How could it not be? I had to meet with the doctor today to consult about the procedure. I woke up realizing that I didn't have...
View ArticleThe Worst 3 Days of my Life and the Feelings that are Left
I know I've been very active on this blog lately. I've been finding it very therapeutic. It's 5am on Saturday and I'm up writing because I couldn't shut my brain off. As of this moment, February 12th,...
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Forget-Me-Not
One of my very dear friends sent me a book and this Willow Tree Figurine:Her name is "Forget-Me-Not"After we found out the news, I did a lot of thing in haste. I deleted all of my belly photos off of...
View ArticleJealousy
I'm aware that this post isn't going to make me very popular with my friends. But I can't sit here and pretend this isn't happening.It's been almost a week since we found out the news. And since then,...
View ArticleIs this real life?
It's been a week since I found out my Bootsie is gone.Tomorrow will mark my first day back to real life.I'm honestly not ready. I've spent the last week mainly in our apartment. The only time I've...
View ArticleOn what NOT to say...
I've had a lot of people approach me, either via facebook, text or in person. And I know most people are hesitant. Wanting to say the right thing. But as I've said before, there isn't a right thing to...
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Bootsie in the Sky
I started counseling yesterday. I was talking to her about my difficulty on how to figure out how to grieve.She suggested a ritual, or some way to memorialize our baby. One of her ideas was planting a...
View ArticleMy First Week Back
This past week was my first week back to "normal" life. But, I took it very easy on myself. I only went to my internship one day and went to all of my classes. I got so many hugs, you guys. And a lot...
View ArticleMy joy in this pain
Today we were supposed to be finding out the sex of our baby. Instead, we're left with all of the unknown. The questions. The whys. Last night, while trying to fall asleep, I burst into tears. I...
View ArticleProgress
"Did you find out what you're having yet?""I have a lot of respect for you because you're finishing the program and you're pregnant. How is that going?"These are two questions I had to answer this...
View ArticleOn how faking it can only last so long...
This past week started off rocky. I had my daily cry, as I had been for 2 weeks. Then Wednesday and Thursday weren't bad. In fact, I was able to talk about the situation without crying. I was feeling...
View ArticleOn being nice to myself...
This past week I only cried once. But, it was in a room full of strangers. On Monday, Sean and I went to our first miscarriage support group. There was one other couple there, along with a woman who...
View ArticleOne Month
It's been one month since we found out our little Bootsie was gone. At first, the time was going by so slowly. Recently, I feel like it's been forever. It's been a weird month. I've been trying to keep...
View ArticleDaughter
We would have had a daughter. The tests came back today. Our daughter had an extra chromosome on 21, which indicates Down's Syndrome.I kept my cool while I was on the phone with the doctor. He...
View ArticleAnger, part deux
Oh, Hi Anger. So nice of you to come back. I went to the doctor today for a one month post-procedure appointment. I had been doing pretty well until yesterday, so I thought going to the doctor would be...
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They're Always With Me & My Quest for Answers
I wanted something to wear to always have my two angel babies with me. I bought this charm bracelet: The card I got with it explains what the bracelet means: "Life" - with a crystal in the color of...
View ArticleThe Nightmare Doesn't End There...
I went in for my 3D ultrasound today. First, I had to have saline injected in my uterus, which was so much fun, you guys. Then the ultrasound started. During the ultrasound, the doc thought I might...
View ArticleBlessings
The last 7 weeks have certainly not been my easiest. In fact, they've been some of the hardest of my life. And I feel like all I've been doing is complaining, especially on this blog. Of course, I know...
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I'm moving forward...but I'm still a mom
I can already feel the eye rolls that this post may cause. But, my story is the one that's hardly told. It's not really a story (IMO) the public wants to hear about. But, too bad. I'm annoying like...
View ArticlePSA (Or...the status of my uterus)
I'm sure all of you, my friends and readers, are DYING to know the status of my uterus. (Because, why not?)I went in for my Hysteroscopy this morning. Luckily, it wasn't nearly as dramatic as my last...
View ArticleWhat I Learned in New Jersey
I've really made it no secret that I haven't enjoyed New Jersey. It's too expensive. Too many people live here. No one knows how to drive. People say 'water' weird. Basically, it's not home. We now...
View ArticleA Letter for Her
This coming Sunday is Mother's Day. I should be 7 months pregnant. I'm not feeling any particular feelings either way, right now, about it. But I'm sure I will once its here. Luckily for me, my mother...
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Home Sweet Home
I'm going to try my best to keep updating several times a month. The past few weeks have been incredibly busy. But here it goes...Most importantly: I'M OFFICIALLY AN MSW! I graduated on May 14th. It...
View ArticleBack on the Baby Track
At the end of May, we met with our new fertility doctor. He is very nice and very thorough (which I appreciate). Anyway, we have a plan that I'm pretty happy with. Tomorrow I have to have another HSG...
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